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Here's the bottom line. Externalization is a strange and subtle process that helps make adolescence manageable — for your daughter. For the most part, there's not much that you can do about externalizations. From the book Untangled by Lisa Damour, Ph. When teenagers feel overwhelmed by their feelings and need to do something, they find a loving parent and start handing out potatoes. No magic wand can make her peers, teachers, coaches, locker location, or homework any less irritating.

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As it turns out, willpower is a limited resource. But, if it becomes clear that she plans to be wretched all evening, go ahead and say, "You may not be in a good mood, but you are not allowed to mistreat us. When I was in my first semester of graduate school, the professor teaching my psychological testing course handed me a stack of Rorschach inkblot tests to score. If we could hold up a microphone to your daughter's unconscious mind, it would say, "You know, I've had a long day of being upset about this poor grade I just got back — the whole thing has become exhausting. If she wants to vent, she'll tell you and you can sit back and know that just by listening you are offering meaningful support. Story continues below advertisement.

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You will rarely, if ever, be able to identify an externalization at the moment it occurs. The renovation project follows the pattern in which the brain grew in the womb. Under these conditions — and absent pressing safety concerns — wait at least a day before taking any action. If you are looking to give feedback on our new site, please send it along to feedback globeandmail. To manage all of that intensity and to keep from feeling crazy, she'll recruit your help. Better for her to do a little less complaining about such realities and a little more venting. If you want to write a letter to the editor, please forward to letters globeandmail.

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Description: Externalization happens when your daughter wants to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling. These are the days when she simply takes out her annoyance on anyone in her path — a particularly unpleasant, and common, form of using you your other children, or the family dog as an emotional dumping ground. This means that limbic system reactions outstrip frontal cortex controls. Compared to the brain activity of children and adults, the teens' amygdalas reacted strongly to fearful or happy faces. I don't have a solution to the problem, but I need a break from being upset. If she can hold it together all day at school, you might wonder why your daughter can't hold it together a little bit longer so that she can also be pleasant with you. For the most part, there's not much that you can do about externalizations.
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